Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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