i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
