I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
