I accidentally burped into my bong.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
