Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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