She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
