Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
