At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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