Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
My penis needs a shock collar
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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