The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
