Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
