So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
