So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Four minutes until I can fart!
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
