Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
