White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I think my vagina is haunted
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
