honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize