I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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