the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
