the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm passing your future prison.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
