I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In other news, I just burned my penis
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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