Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
