Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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