My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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