So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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