i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
