I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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