If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
