guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
