i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
