Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
