the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
