I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
