I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
