Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
