I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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