dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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