I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
