Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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