Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
