Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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