He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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