Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
