They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
