Where are you?
In a non slutty way
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
