I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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