I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Randomize
