Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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