My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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