Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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