i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
