normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
