I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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