He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
