it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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