So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Naked. naked and bneed help.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
