Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
