i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
