my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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