I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
