went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You dont lie about slip and slides
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
