the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
