So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
