Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
