why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
