I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
