yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
