dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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