I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
