Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
