She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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