Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
