was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
