Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
