Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
