I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
