Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
fuck your aforementioned shoe
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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