i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
two words: eviction party
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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