You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize