dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
