I want to make a zoo with you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
