WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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