Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
pray to the hookup gods
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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