Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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