Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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