Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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