community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Your penis caused this!
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