Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
