meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
