hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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