The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
