ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
