I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
