So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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