I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
