Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
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