i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Randomize
