there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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