I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
