omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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