All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
