I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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