chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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